Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Here are
some things to avoid and some things to do after
a stressful breakup.
DONT’S
1. Contact him.
Seriously. Why would you call a guy who just
dumped you to tell him that you miss him? It’s
human nature to think of someone whom you just
shared memories with. But hey, it’s over! It
doesn’t follow that you should call, text, chat,
email, or contact him via telepathy just because
he’s still on your mind. Stop obsessing. Your
emotional dependence on him is irrelevant after
the separation.
2. Facebook your issue.
Constantly posting your breakup issues on
Facebook, regardless if you write it in a humorous
way, will not benefit you. It makes you look
bitter. It presents you as the “loser.” It suggests
that you have not moved on from the breakup
just yet, and perhaps will not move on anytime
soon. It’s somewhat acceptable to post just one
update of your romantic status, though. It alerts
potential boyfriends. If you’re too clueless to
pinpoint who those potential BFs could be, check
the ones who eagerly comment on your breakup
updates and generously offer love advice. Duh.
3. Get a haircut.
When you are still suffering from post break-up
stress and you decided to get a new haircut,
chances are you will be wild reckless enough to
go for a bowl cut. The break-up strain is like a
drug that clouds your rational thinking to make
you do things out of impulsiveness. “I’m newly
single anyway because a stupid guy just dumped
me. I might as well go bald like Britney Spears.”
Give yourself a time for healing. Go for a
makeover once you are cool and sane again.
4. Get a new guy.
Rebounding with a new guy a day after your split?
Blah. Everybody knows you’re just faking it. Like
it or not, it takes time to recover from breakups.
It takes time to heal wounds. It takes time to
trust people and consider having romantic
involvement with anyone again. Getting a new
boyfriend a day after the end of your 7-year
romance is foolish. You are not only being unfair
to the new guy, you are also being unfair to
yourself. Before moving on to a new romance,
take some moment to think what the previous
relationship has taught you. The realizations that
you make will help you find a better man in the
future, who will also up the chances of a lasting
relationship. But take note, we do not mean you
cannot go to bed with another man just yet.
Being newly single actually has its pros and one
of them is the new-found sexual freedom. Enjoy!
If you want to move on from someone,
remove him from your world.
5. Become his friend.
Of course it’s OK to remain friends with the guy
after ending a romantic relationship with him. But
to be friends right away, you are one-of-a-kind.
It’s either you really don’t love him or you love
him too much to bear the pain of hearing him talk
about the new girl he’s into.
DO’S
1. Cut the contact.
Do not text or call him. If it consoles you (and
you have no other involvement with him other
than romance), get a new number and unfriend
him on Facebook. If you want to move on from
someone, remove him from your world. This is the
way to avoid the feelings from flooding back and
confusing you, especially if he doesn’t feel the
same way.
2. Admit the hurt.
It’s
always the SOP of every counselor and
psychologist. In order to resolve the distress, you
have to trace the source of the trauma.
Acknowledge your pain. Accept that you have
loved this guy and you miss him. Mourn the
break-up. Cry for a day or two. This is the way to
recover. When you get tired of self-pity, you will
realize you have already cried enough and you
want to move on with your life.
3. Ponder.
Think about what went wrong in the relationship.
It would be helpful if there’s an objective friend
who will tell you her thoughts on the relationship
and why it ended. Trace these issues to your
previous relationships. Is there a pattern?
Identifying the reasons for the breakup will help
you avoid committing the same mistakes again in
your future romance. Also think of the good
things that make the relationship work and what
makes you happy. When you are able to pinpoint
the good and bad things in the relationship,
chances are you will become a better mate in the
future.
4. Get a new life.
The good thing about being
single is the freedom to do
things that you try to
curtail while in a serious
relationship – late night
parties, meeting new guys,
and hanging out with
people you like (but your ex hates). Do what
makes you feel good — volunteer, take a dance
lesson, run a marathon, travel the world, get a
pixie cut, apply for a new job, put yourself first!
Sometimes, the Better You emerges after the
breakup, when you open your world to new people
and welcome new possibilities.
5. Be happy.
Happiness is a work in progress, as they say. It’s
good to admit the hurt, but no one is telling you
not to act happy. If you keep on smiling and
laughing with people – even at some point you
are only faking it – they will be drawn to you. As
you “force” yourself to hang out with new people,
you will get used to the idea of being with them
and you will slowly forget the breakup strain.
Date, giggle and be silly. Move on already!
